I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
