i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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