id be glad to
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
