dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
So many bounce houses so little time
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
