How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
