Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
