you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
