hell yes lets make some ravioli
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Randomize