but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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