Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
