I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
