I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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