I think my fart just growled at me.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
True strength comes from lack of pants
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
