Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
