my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
They have beer where we have blood.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
