Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
