Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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