I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
