he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
