The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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