Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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