so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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