She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
where are my eyebrows?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
