Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Randomize
