I could have mohawked her pubes.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
