Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
