I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
