Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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