She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize