Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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