Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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