i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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