But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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