Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
