I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
