She said her name was "party"
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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