I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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