So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
