Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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