Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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