the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
