I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Randomize
