Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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