some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
