I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
