i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
