I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Randomize
