So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
