Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
