You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
