he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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