I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
