I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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