So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
