I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
