so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
