Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
