Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
