I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
