I cockslap morals
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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