You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I smell stomach acid.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize