We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Randomize
