I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
