i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
