On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Randomize
