Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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