he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Randomize
