I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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