So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
The adults are the big ones right?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
