I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
