I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Randomize
