Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
